One part of building higher emotional intelligence is learning to manage transitions effectively. Properly managing transitions gives us the ability to have rest in between activities, stay focused, and engage mindfully with each activity. Because it allows for more downtime in between activities when we can function through transitions and manage our time, we are able to process and learn information better, as well as create memories. Adults that struggle with transitions tend to have overlapping mental health symptoms of depression, anxiety, mood disturbances, feelings of guilt and shame, and/or traits of perfectionism and needing to perform socially. While we can all fall into this pattern, those of us with neurodivergence know all too well a natural consequence of struggling with transitions includes struggling to start too many tasks and not complete them, causing a procrastination and anxiety thought loop. The best thing to do to break that pattern is to do the thing.

Another reason transitions may become a struggle is because the things previously relied upon to cope through difficult situations and emotions are no longer working. When old strategies are not helpful, it is important to reevaluate and find healthy and new ways of coping. This is easier for those that do not struggle with transitions. Sometimes, when one is clinging to a behavior and is unwilling to change, it is due to a sense of trying to control a situation, or perhaps because there is an addictive pattern. If addictions are present, or substance use, it may escalate in frequency and amount of use if one is not mindful that the strategy is no longer effective and is unable or unwilling to change habits. Focusing on general wellness is a highly beneficial strategy. This helps us through transitions by keeping our body and mood stable and strong for processing difficult feelings associated with changes that are not always welcomed.

Other protective factors to help us deal with transitions in a healthier and more effective way, include preparing as much as possible, establishing small goals that move toward a desired outcome, establishing structure and routine into your day-to-day lifestyle, and practice of goal setting and taking actions. It is necessary to build yourself up during this process through positive self-talk. Consider giving yourself affirmations or reading written affirmations daily. You can write your own, or find premade cards, or suggestions online. Find the ones that match your desired feeling and image. Practice being kind to yourself and others, and speaking kindly to yourself, as you would to others. This is crucial to keep you motivated and on track. Another imperative factor is to engage with social support and trustworthy individuals to have meaningful relationships with.

Children, especially those with neurodivergence, will struggle with transitions and have many models of care explaining how to get through transitions and learn to peacefully move through the stages of change. It is easy to overlook these models of change as an adult, but what is really going on when we are struggling with a transition? What is the difference between an adult and a child in those moments? When children struggle, they are learning to regulate emotions and organize their minds to make changes effectively. When an adult struggles with change, they are often wrestling with a trigger or perhaps, a threat to their inner child. They are generally frazzled, grieving, or without the ability to regulate their emotions in those times. Adults tend to expect to have it all together, though can go far from connecting with their inner child in these times of struggle. Why would we treat ourselves any differently than a beloved friend or child in times of transition? Being kind to ourselves will take us far and taking care of ourselves during a transition will help us create a more well-rounded future.

Recommendations for helping children through transitions can also be applied to adults. Some of these helpful strategies are the use of a visual schedule and timer, which can easily be adapted to a really good planner that can help you track your time and progress toward your goals. Not just for the sake of productivity, but to enhance your life and wellness. Another helpful tactic is the use of a sensory break. We all need time and space to be our weird and silly selves- our best selves. Taking a break to self-soothe through the senses is useful, as well as taking time to “stim” in an activity that you find calming and helps you get out pent up physical energy. I like to hang out in my hammock swing in my office to swing and spin for a moment. Going for a nature walk, putting on headphones, or other ways to unwind and deescalate stress can be used throughout the day to help refocus the brain, especially for neurodivergent individuals. What can you see yourself doing on a sensory break?

If you struggle with transitions, allowing extra time is important and can be helpful for children and adults alike. When we are constrained by our deadlines this can be more challenging, but overestimation is a wonderful tool to use, as well. Overestimation of time, and no underestimation of ourselves. We can use music, art, exercise, doodling, walking, and any number of activities and enjoyable quirks to help us unwind, destress, and balance our senses to have a more rewarding experience through change. Using sensory breaks and other helpful strategies will also allow extra time to process the changes and all the feelings and thoughts associated with our transition. We will learn more about ourselves and others, as well as gain confidence in ourselves in our abilities to effectively manage change and live a more rewarding life overall.   ©2022