When focusing on self-care, we can become misguided quickly. There is so much information out there telling us exactly what we need to take proper care of ourselves. Messages from advertisers meant to sensationalize us, addict us, numb us, until we are buying not a product, but a message that we must have certain things in order to be authentically happy. It is a lie that we buy one product at a time, while losing a piece of our self-worth little bit by little bit, as we try to keep up. There is nothing wrong with pampering yourself, trying and buying new things, or attempting to find new methods to rejuvenate ourselves, yet if we equate materialistic things to our satisfaction and overall level of contentment, we will never reach authenticity in happiness, life, or in ourselves. So, how do you do authenticity?

First let us start with the meaning of authenticity as it applies here. Authenticity from a Positive Psychology standpoint is a means of asserting your whole self and building up and embracing your strengths, rather than focusing on your flaws all the time. When we are struggling to understand ourselves from a perspective of what is going well with us, we deprive ourselves of finding meaning and purpose right in front of our eyes. Filling up our homes with stuff, while draining our bank accounts and health trying to obtain more and more is not happiness. Authentic happiness is found in recognizing your strengths and what you bring to the table for this world. Serving others is a part of this, rather than focusing on the things we are perhaps missing. Martin Seligman is a prevalent Positive Psychologist and, in his book, Authentic Happiness, he describes that unless we can make this distinction we will go through life with a sensation of “fidgeting until we die.” I decided early on in my life that I did not want to be fidgeting until I died or spend any more time unsettled in my own skin.

We all have a propensity for instant gratification and material objects- the human condition, no?! We do this because it fires up powerful reward circuits in the brain and so we repeat the behavior(s) over and over to get the same effect. This is the same way that substance use becomes Substance Use Disorder. Is this really the same thing as authentic happiness, rather than pacification? Absolutely not! We begin to go down a path of needing and wanting more and more instant gratification and we are only creating a deeper void in the process, as we continue our attempts to silence the message that we are not enough. In order to embrace authenticity, we must realize a few things:

• Our perceptions must be rooted in reality rather than unrealistic expectations.
• We are an intricate work of art with many qualities to offer this world.
• Service to others and general thoughtfulness is the secret to filling our cups.
• The way that our actions, words, and humor are impacting others.

When we can tease out these traits in ourselves, building self-awareness, we will start to realize our authenticity and that alone is magnetic to others, attracting positive and healthy relationships. We are able to realize our meaning and purpose more readily and feel better about what we have to offer. There are a number of ways to realize our own positive qualities, even when our minds need convincing the positive traits exist. On the Authentic Happiness website, or at VIACharacter.org is the VIA Signature Strengths Survey. This 240-question survey takes 24-character traits, including honesty, appreciation of art and beauty, and curiosity to name a few, and ranks them in order of prevalence. By understanding our strengths, we can learn to act on our values and then eventually our behaviors you would like to see will follow.

© 2021