Happy 4th of July!! My hope is that on this holiday, whether it is a festive and wonderful celebration, or a time when you are seeking peace from the noise and stimulus, I hope that you are feeling free to be you today. Wherever you are at, whatever you are doing, I hope you find yourself at peace with your authenticity and are nurturing your body, mind, and spirit with whatever it is that you need today. We have made so many strides as a country to allow for better spaces for all and we continue the fight. We have also done much to reduce the stigma of prioritizing and simply recognizing mental health. All of us together can end that stigma by voicing our struggles in safe spaces, and normalizing seeking counseling for support. Whatever your situation, let yourself shine bright through the world. Not the people pleasing version, but the messy, real you. This will allow you to live with a greater satisfaction and be more of a light and inspiration to others.

Finding yourself is not easy when you do not have a strong center of self. Some are intrinsically motivated, and others are extrinsically motivated, which means you are either compelled and driven to do things by your own internal sense of motivation, or you are more prone to act when there are others around you that you are drawing your acceptance and motivation from. Neither are right or wrong, however, intrinsic motivation can be counted on much more consistently, and can also be developed as you learn skills to reduce self- judgment, speak life to yourself, and focus on your positive traits rather than ones you are less than thrilled with. We all have a set of strengths and weaknesses, and where we can learn to accommodate for our weaknesses and develop skills to improve, we must recognize the most efficient way to do this is to use our positive strengths to compensate for those weaknesses. We must also be willing to seek support from others and draw on the strengths of others to help us when we are less than naturally inclined to do something. There is no defeat in asking for help, and point of fact, it is how the most amazing things get done. If we are only focusing on what we cannot do, we will never learn what we are capable of.

So how do we foster a more positive outlook and greater acceptance of ourselves? It is important to point out that we are not talking about toxic positivity here. Rather, authentic appreciation for life in whatever form we are dealt. It is most necessary to address the difficulties, validate the distressing feelings and thoughts, take time to feel each and every painful struggle and hardship, and grieve it all, one by one. It is also possible to do this while recognizing the value in ourselves, our life, and the world around us. Positive affirmations are a great place to start. Catching those moments of self- critical blasting and changing the narrative. We must not put ourselves down, or like anyone else, we will shut down, as well. We need to speak life to ourselves, refuse to devalue yourself, and speak positive things to yourself several times a day. Writing them down is also a wonderful way to use self- affirmations, and this can be adapted in any form. Write positive things about yourself, prayers affirming your spiritual identity, and express blessings and gratitude. When we commit to putting ourselves in a positive light, we will reflect that to others and create a safer and more validating space for all around us.

Another excellent way to self- affirm, is to utilize the Three Good Things practice developed by University of Berkeley. This practice is clinically proven to help improve your self- esteem and even more importantly, your self- efficacy, which is your belief in your ability to accomplish or handle something. It is necessary to write it all down daily for at least one week, though a few weeks is much more effective. Every day, you write down three things that went good and what your role was in making them happen, or in them going well. It is important to be specific and to address how you feel, as well. Over a short time of writing the three good things a day, you will begin to feel more appreciation of beauty and kindness, greater satisfaction with yourself, and may describe yourself as being happier.

This happiness found in creating a positive outlook and self- identity will carry over to others, no doubt and you will shine brighter in the world around you. When we are feeling purposeful and useful, we are most satisfied, content, and generally happy with our lives. This does not mean we do not experience hardships, or feelings of sadness, disappointment, grief, or others that may be distressing at times. It does mean that you will feel more satisfied with your life, even in times of hardship. It means that you will rise up to adversity and set an example to others that you will feel proud of. You will live more in your authentic self, and develop increased emotional intelligence, as well. When we can do this, we are less distressed in difficult situations and can truly take responsibility for our behaviors, which helps us grow into deeper maturity, and allows us to connect more with others in a loving, authentic, and more meaningful way. This is a way to recognize our own worth and value without making our misery our top priority, and actually provide a space to truly heal.